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Jerry (a.k.a. Yet Another Attempt at Humor)- This time, I'm using Jerry Springer… what fun this will be…*evil laughter*
(Note: Well duh! This has been done many times before, but not quite the way I'm doing it. My favorite one is the DBZ version that my friend's brother found, and no, I don't know where it is, ask the little dork boy. This is for your entertainment only, and besides, I don't own Jerry Springer or Ronin Warriors or Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. If I did…well, I'd be rich. >^.^<)
[The lights come up and we see Jerry standing between two chairs with two people in the chairs. One is a young man with blue hair (Rowen, duh) and the other is a man with long red hair (none other than Anubis). Jerry steps forward as crowd chants.]
Jerry: [right into the camera] Today we have a special show lined up for
you. Our guests here have something in common, but they don't know what
it is.
Rowen: [looking all smart and stuff] How about we're both in the same
anime?
Jerry: [looks all peeved] No…something else. As I was saying, our
guests have no idea why they are here and they are both going to get a big
surprise.
[the audience oohs and aahs]
[Rowen and Anubis look very confused]
Jerry: Would you guys like to know why your hear?
Anubis: [looking all inconvenienced and stuff] Because when I got the
letter and Kayura made me go so she and the guys could laugh at me, but,
of course, that's not what she said…
Jerry: NO! [mutters] What's with these people? [to the camera] Actually,
they have one thing in common above all others... [glares at Ro] A stalker!
Come on out Wannabe!
[A teenage girl with red hair and dark eyes comes out, wearing black
boot cut jeans and a blue T-shirt. She waves to the audience, winks at Jerry,
then deposits herself in Rowen's lap.]
Rowen: [sweat drop]
Anubis: [to Jerry] What's the point of this? We knew about her. Oh God
yes! For about um…how long has it been, Wannabe?
Wannabe: [giggles from Ro's lap] Oh about…um [counts on fingers]
6 or 7 months. Ever since I saw that cool white tiger on TV hanging around
with all those hot guys. You know, your show actually made me one of the
last people in my group of friends to admit that they liked anime? Cool,
huh?
Anubis: Whatever…
Rowen: [multiple sweat drops]
Jerry: So, you've been stalking them for about 6 months?
Wannabe: Well, I guess so, but it was Rowen before Anubis. I saw a lot
more of Rowen, but then at the end of the series I realized that Anubis
was also good-looking, and probably smarter.
Rowen: HEY!
Wannabe: [sticks out her tongue] He's older, I'll give you that much.
Rowen: Yeah, like 500 years older.
Anubis: [stands up] You wanna make something of it?
WBW: Aw come on guys. Save the violence for later. We have more people
coming on. Take it out on them.
Rowen: [gulp] Any fellow fanfic writers?
WBW: Not that I know of...but you never know, they could show up.
Jerry: [a bit confused from all this] OKAY! Let's bring out our next
secret stalker and introduce him to HIS victim. Come on out Otani!
Rowen: Otani? Otani is a STALKER?
Otani: [shrugs as he sits in the chair that was brought out for him]
I though you knew. She'd rather stalk you, though.
Rowen: [gulps] JINYA?
Jerry: Aw! Now you ruined the surprise! [dispiritedly] Come on out Jinya...
Rowen: Jinya AND her psycho creator? [runs to Anubis] Hide me, Anubis!
Hide me! PLEASE!!!!!!!
Jinya: [giggles as she stops Ro from clawing at what she thinks is thin
air] Ro-chan! Did you get into those pixie stix again? You know Anubis is
dead!
Anubis: Wannabe! You STILL have her on that weird not seeing me mode?
WBW: It would ruin my story! I mean, if she found you alive and well
one day I'd have to make sequel after sequel! She found out the secret ya
know.
Anubis: [panics] WHAT?!!!!!!!!!
WBW: It had to happen one of these days. You see my point.
Anubis: [groan]
[Jinya plants Rowen in a chair and she and Wannabe fight over him for
a while]
Otani: How come I'm never getting in on the action?
Wannabe: [looks at Otani and loses the claim to Rowen's lap] [looks back]
Aw! Now look what you did! [glares at Otani] You are going to get a major
torturing when we get back to the Palace!
[Outside we hear] IRON ROCK CRUSHER!!! [a huge hole is blasted into the
wall behind the chairs and the other 4 Ronins step in]
Kento: We're here to save ya, Ro! [then he sees Jinya and snickers]
Jinya: [glares at Kento]
Otani: [sighs] This blows! I'm going home! [teleports off stage]
Jinya: Yeah! The other guys are gonna ruin it! [also teleports out]
Jerry: AH! We've lost two guests and gained 4! This show is out of control!
[a few security guards run up and try to kick the Ronins out, but they
boys bat them away like flies]
Jerry: [panics]
WBW: Wussy boy! [points at Jerry and laughs]
Jerry: [stops panicking and growls at Wannabe] [runs over and starts
to try to beat the crap out of her]
[a large fight ensues with everyone, good, evil, or fanfic writer, trying
to get a piece of one another] [all the sudden several girls appear in the
hole in the wall]
Sailor Moon: In the name of the Moon I demand you stop this at once!
Wannabe: [stops trying to rip Jerry's head off and stares daggers at
SM] Where'd the ditz crew come from?
Cye: [can speak now that Ro has stopped beating him while screaming 'BLUE
IS MY COLOR! MY COLOR!!!] We're in the middle of an important debate. Why
don't you girls go on Oprah or something?
Mars: Oprah?! Why you little Japanese freak with a British accent! [shoves
Rowen off and starts to beat Cye mercilessly]
[the fight continues and the remaining security guys run off like scared
little boys]
[All the sudden a short girl with blonde hair comes running into the
room]
Relena: Heero! Heero! HEERO!
Anubis: [beating the crap out of Kento for some reason] Who the heck
are you?
Relena: HEERO! [runs screaming through the audience]
[an audience member stands up]
Audience Member: Excuse me?! Heero's mine! [psychotic look in eye]
Relena: [stops dead in her tracks and turns around slowly] Who are you
to make such an outrageous claim! [stand up to full (SHORT) height, but
doesn't even reach the audience member's eyes]
Audience Member: I am Dusted Pyxie! And I'm Heero's secret stalker!
[everyone stops]
Jerry: [from underneath a vengeful Wannabe] AW! Another surprise ruined!
[everyone shrugs and returns to their respective seat, intrigued by the
new twist]
Rowen: [sees WBW smirking] Is this another fic writer?
WBW: I'm currently working on that...the bad thing is...she likes DBZ.
DP: [glares at Jerry] HEY! I met you once! You were wearing a bright
pink shirt and looking really gay! You tried to shake my hand, but I blew
you off! You DID follow the agreement, didn't you? Heero is here, right?
Jerry: [sighs] Yes...yes...WHAT! I don't own any bright pink shirts!
DP: Yes you do...now make Heero come out.
Jerry: Heero Yuy come on out!
[Heero comes out looking very confused]
Heero: Relena? What are you doing here?
Relena: I saw your Gundam parked out side and--
[She is cut off as DP does a flying tackle on Heero]
DP: Hi hi hi hi!
Heero: Who the hell are you?
DP: I'm your stalker! I'm so glad to finally meet you! I've been trying
to meet up with you for months now, but I never could. It's unfortunate
that we had to meet on this show. Jerry sucks.
Heero: Get. Off. Me.
DP: Whoops! Sorry! [jumps off the Gundam pilot]
WBW: Wassup, Dusted!?
DP: That's Dusted PYXIE!!!
Rowen: [to Anubis] Like the sticks?
Anubis: [shrugs] What the hell are you talking about?
DP: [to WBW] You know! That guy you're sitting on IS kind of cute! And
I said that all the Ronins were gay! HA! [to Ro] Are you single?
Rowen: [sweat drop] [shudders and starts praying for a swift death]
WBW: You can have your icky gay Gundam guy! Rowen's mine!
DP: What about him?! [points to Anubis]
WBW: They're BOTH mine!
DP: Well, you can keep him. [jerks thumb at Anubis]
Anubis: This just isn't my day...
WBW: I'll keep them BOTH!
DP: Whatever...
Relena: Heero! Are you okay? Did she hurt you???
Heero: I'm FINE! [shoves Relena away] I agree with you Anubis...this
is NOT a good day...
DP: You guys are sooooooooooooo mean! Nobody likes me! [sniffles dramatically]
WBW: Aww...It's okay Dusted! We evil, REAL people have to stick together.
I'm still your friend! You just have to get used to the rejection and torture
those who exclude you.
DP: PYXIE!!! [goes over and punches Relena in the face] There, I feel
better!
Sailor Mercury: Hey! Enough fighting!
WBW: What are you talking about? This is Jerry Springer!
Sage: She has a point ya know.
Sailor Uranus: Who said you could talk to a Senshi like that, pretty
boy?
Sage: AH! She has a deeper voice than me!!! AH!!!
Sailor Uranus and Neptune: [shrug]
Relena: [has been crying the whole time] [gets pissed off and tries to
punch Wannabe] This is all your fault! You organized this whole thing!
WBW: Wait! We aren't done yet! JERRY! There's still one more person I
stalk! Did you forget about him?!
Jerry: [wiping blood off his face] Oh yeah...Come out front, Zechs!
[Zechs enters and Wannabe drools]
Heero: That lunatic? You like him?
WBW: Hey! As far as I'm concerned all you Gundam boys, Relena, and all
the other idiots from that show can go kill each other. Except Zechs. I'll
take him off you hands! [grins evilly]
Relena: Heero! Did you hear what she said! Blow her up, Heero! Blow her
up!
Heero: Relena, you dumbass, she's a fic writer and this is a fic! We
can't hurt her!
Relena: Heero!
Sailor Mars: Can someone shut her up? She's giving me a migraine!
Relena: Hee-- [is cut off by DP duct taping her mouth shut]
All the Ronins, Anubis, and even Heero (yes, there is actually a Gundam
Wing Duct tape currently being worked on...): NOOOOO!!! NOT THE TAPE!!!
WBW: That's so old! [takes the evil tape from hell and throws it out
the window] [notices Zechs again] Zechs! I forgot about you! WAZZA?!
Zechs: [shrugs] Nothing much...
Jerry: What?! You know her? This is supposed to be SECRET stalkers!
Heero: Hey! I didn't know anything about that psycho girl!
DP: I'm not psycho! I'm a Pyxie!
[everyone nods and smiles]
Jerry: My show is ruined...there's more blood on the set than there has
ever been and all this goo, and the scorch marks...
Kento: Those were Ryo's fault...
Ryo: [fidgets nervously] [coughs]
Jerry: [eyes light up as he sees the "20 seconds left" light
on the camera] Well! That's all the time we have for today! See you next
time, folks! If there is a next time...
[the remnants of the crowd chant, "Jerry Jerry!" as a screen
pops up]
[it reads, "Do you have little kids following you around that bug you all the time when you're trying to save the world? Call 555-JERRY and the people of the Jerry Springer show will help you get them to go home!]
(Fanfiction.net exclusive lines)
Jerry: Do I HAVE to do this?
Producer: Just do it! It helps the ratings!
Jerry: [perched on th charred remains of a table by the big gaping hole in the wall] And now for my final thought. It's not right for fangirls to outrageously stalk their anime loves...but they do it anyway. Boys, just run...fast...
END!
-White Blaze Wannabe >^.^< and, introducing, Dusted Pyxie!-
Possibly coming soon- Jerry 2: The end of the brats!