Welcome to Driver's Ed!

By: Blue Taboo (White Blaze Wannabe)

You remember what I told you about my Spanish teacher from last year? Well, that guy was nothing compared to the 45 minutes I have to spend in Driver's Ed everyday this semester. It's not just the teacher, it's the class itself, but Mr. Wingate certainly makes it more entertaining. At first, he seemed like your average Driver's Ed teacher, scary, a wrestling coach, and determined to scare you into following the rules of the road, but Dusted Pyxie (who's in my class! YAY!) and I discovered that he was quite different in this first month of the course…

1. "The leprechauns slash my tires and then they make me burn things!" -Me

Mr. Wingate was talking about tires for some reason and why you should always check your tires. We asked how our tires could get deflated in a garage and Mr. Wingate said, "Well, it's not like there's a bunch of tire slashing leprechauns that go around at night but…" and went into lots of boring examples. For some reason I was reminded of this quote from the Simpsons (best American cartoon ever, just above Ren and Stimpy) by Ralph Wiggam: "The leprechauns tell me to burn things." So, with that in mind, I cracked up and said that to DP, who joined me in maniacal laughter, which earned us some pretty weird looks from out class.

2. "This'll kill the weeds!" -Mr. Wingate

He was explaining about how people just dump their oil after they change it and don't dispose of it properly. He remarked about how he'd heard that people would put it on their lawns…Okay, it's probably not that funny, but just imagine this 200+ pound guy with a Texas accent saying it…

3. "Gotta feel the back rock…Woah!"

Mr. Wingate was "driving" around the front of the room, demonstrating how to know that you've come to a complete stop. If it's not funny then do what I recommended for number 2.

4. The adventures of Monkey-boy!

Okay, this is going to take a while to explain. You see, we were watching this video with parents and teens talking about driving and there was this kid on there that looked like a monkey. Mr. Wingate even stopped the tape to say that, but anyway, Monkey-boy was talking about how he didn't need a seatbelt because he could brace himself in a crash, but Mr. Wingate later proved him wrong with physics. Whenever we need a bad driver to use as an example, we use Monkey-boy. I think he's died about…five, maybe six times now?

5. Hotwheels…

To simulate traffic situations, we have little hotwheels cars glued to magnets that you can put on the chalkboard. I just think it's funny…

6. "Who wants to be Regis? Mr. Wingate wants to be Regis!" -Me again

We were playing jeopardy to study for a test and Mr. Wingate kept asking if that was your final answer. It's funny because Mr. Wingate could probably kill Regis by sitting on him.

7. Learning your shapes and colors…in 10th grade!

We had a whole chapter on the shapes and colors of signs! And we have books! HAHAHA! For Driver's Ed! Okay…I just think it's funny…

8. "I'm to strong for de chalk…" -Mr. Wingate

He kept breaking chalk one humid day and just randomly blurted that out. It's even funnier because DP and I had the same math teacher last year, but at different times, and whenever he broke a piece of chalk, he'd get the dust in his eye and start crying…hehe…

9. Car turds!

Mr. Wingate was talking about oil and those hug pieces of rubber that come off truck tires.

10. And if this isn't at all funny, I'm sorry, but you just had to be there…and half of you bad drivers need to be! SKAAAARGH!

-Blue Taboo >^.^<-